Love from Gandhi

Where there is love, there is life. - Mahatama Gandhi 

Suggestion: Vaginal Rejuvenation

I'm a member of an all-girls improv group called "Where Da Party At." This week we did a show at the Upstairs Gallery as guests of "Making Out with Wes Perry".  Every third Wednesday, Wes, who sings throughout the show wearing blue-glitter lip stick, invites different artists to perform; there were poets, funny staged readings, stand up comedy, and improv. It was a fantastic night – I loved the variety. And it was lovely to see so many gay performers celebrating their identity through their art alongside straight performers. Nothing gives me a boner quite like self-acceptance and inclusive communities. 

At the top of the show, we asked the audience (95% gay male) for a suggestion and quickly accepted the first thing thrown out: "vaginal rejuvenation." Although we didn't avoid the chance to indulge in some twat-centric humor, we also found an important theme: "how do you say goodbye to a part of yourself?" or as we asked one member, "How can you replace the vagina you've been through so much with?"

But mostly it was gross fun. Here's my favorite snippet of the show**:

LESLIE 

I have a question. Well, it's really more of theory. Does your vagina's hairstyle reflect the kind of man you're attracted to? I'll start. (points at vagina) I like a man with a beard. 




ALL

Ooooo, good question!

LESLIE

(to Margaret) And you like bald men! 




LAURA

And I love mohawks!

MALLORY

And I love really long hair!

RACHEL

And I love fat guys!







Gross, right? Improv is fun. 

Beards.

High and tight.

Mohawks.

Long and luscious.

**The names have been changed because we weren't all being ourselves but I don't remember whatever made-up names we assigned to each other.**

Review: In the Heart of the Sea

Last week I finished In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick. It's the true story of a Nantucket whaling ship that gets rammed by an enraged sperm whale and the crew is forced to abandon ship in the middle of the Pacific. The 20-man crew piles into three small boats and begins an arduous trip against strong headwinds in the hopes of hitting South America. After months at sea on a diet of less than 500 calories a day, the men resort to cannibalism. At last, they're plucked from the ocean by a passing ship, but it's no pretty sight. Their battered boats are filled with human bones and the men are delirious, nearly insane. (All of this is on the book's dust jacket so it's not spoilers, I swear!)

"Aye I want its spermy goodness for myself!"

Philbrick pieced the story together using number of sources, including two first-hand accounts and information from the Nantucket history museums. Overall, it doesn't quite live up to the true life survival books of writers like Jon Krakauer (Into the Wild, Into Thin Air) or Sebastian Junger (The Perfect Storm). Although it's incredibly well researched and thorough, it reads more like a history book than a piece of journalism. 

"Did I do that?" - this whale, impersonating Steve Urkel

Still, the story was riveting and I buzzed through it in no time at all. I love stories like this because not only are they exciting, but they also trick you into learning. A friend of mine made the comparison to Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. The history of the city and the World's Fair is interesting but if it weren't for those grisly murders, I wouldn't have made it through the entire book. 

Many survival books are good at tricking you into learning because to understand the severity of the situation, it's important you understand the context. I learned a ton about whales, whaling, weather patterns, starvation, and race relations in 19th century Quaker communities. None of which I would say I was interested in before this but really enjoyed. My brain feels like it's been doing bench press all day.

"Shoot her! Shoot her!"

The sinking of the Essex -and the subsequent cannibalism- was a story widely known in its time, in the same way in which we think about the Titanic disaster. Herman Melville based his epic Moby Dick off this true story. Melville, a whaleman himself, read the widely circulated report of First Mate Thomas Chase and then later interviewed Captain George Pollard, Jr. The descriptions of the whale attack in the novel are strikingly similar to the accounts of the men aboard the Essex. 

"Wait! My softball trophy's in there!'

Should you read this book? Yes! No matter if like fiction or non-fiction, you'll find the story thrilling and fast-paced. It's not a labor to get through either. It could be a beach read or the thing you settle down to read on a Saturday morning.

If you don't get around to reading this book, let me leave you with this piece of advice: never attempt to kill an animal that 13x larger than you with a tiny spear. 

Falling In Love All Over Again

I have loved dinosaurs since...as long as I can remember.  I have memories of "working" at my kitchen table, crafting lists organized by where the dinosaur skeletons were found, what archaeologist found them, and the time period they came from. I rolled my eyes when my classmates got into velociraptors after Jurassic Park came out because I was into them for like...uh three years, which was a sizable percentage of my life at that point. I saved my money and bought 3D wood skeleton kits of brachiosauri and raptors and dig kits where you had to chisel through dried clay to uncover fake dinosaur bones embedded in the "rocks". 

Obsessions are cute when you're a kid.

Maybe it goes without saying, but my favorite movie -yes, of all time- is Jurassic Park. I've seen it at least 20 times and know it better than I know myself. Unfortunately, I've noticed that in the past few years, it has become played out for me. I still love it, but it just doesn't bring me the same joy that it once did.  I'd loved it so hard, it had worn away. 

But the re-mastered 3D IMAX release of the film changed all that. It was thrilling - like seeing it again for the first time.

Outside of seeing it at the Music Box, a vintage theater notorious for its jankiness, I've only seen it on a TV. To see it on an IMAX big screen, with Surround Sound, and the image popping out rocked my world. Because the screen is so big, it takes up your entire vision. There's no "frame" and feels immersive; you forget this is a movie altogether. It was reality. 

It didn't try to wow you with 3D tricks. Instead, it made the small details shine brightly, enhancing the visual experience in an unobtrusive way. For me, the most vivid moment was when Dr. Grant, Tim, and Lex spend the night in the tree. In the morning, a brachiosaurus comes to feed and sneezes on Lex. In 3D, it was absolutely disgusting. I have always found this scene comical -and it's supposed to be- but I have never been grossed out by it. This time I audibly shuddered, "Ughhh..." 

"God bless you!"

The other big change was how textured the dinosaur's looked. When Ellie and Dr. Grant leave the tour to tend to the sick triceratops, the trike (insider's slang!) was striking. For the first time, I saw it how Dr. Grant and Ellie saw it. The 3D made the moments more vibrant by highlighting the world, not drawing attention to the technology. By not stealing the focus, you became enmeshed in the story - which is what you're paying for anyway. 3D is finally living up to all the hype.

"Microvesicles. That's interesting. Blech."

The T-Rex attack on Tim and Lex's car was as epic. And the velociraptors sneaking around the kitchen and hunting Robert Muldoon made me the most nervous I'd been watching that scene. Jeff Goldbloom's heavy chest? Unforgettable.

(labored breathing)

By the end of the movie, I was clapping at all my favorite scenes. Few others shared the same enthusiasm, but I don't envy the people who weren't FIRED UP when the T-Rex saves the day and roars as the banner drops and our heroes scurry out. 

"I"m hungry for everything!"

Maybe it was the energy drink that I pounded before the show, but I couldn't sleep afterward. It was a sensational movie-going experience. And like the theme park did for the characters in the movie, it fulfilled this long-held desire to be close to a dinosaur. Bravo, Universal Studios!

Now when are they going to re-release Apollo 13?!?

Hang In There

"'Hang in there, baby!' You said it, kitty. [looks more closely] ... Copyright 1968. Hmm, determined or not, that cat must be long dead. That's kind of a downer." 

- Marge, on running her own business. 

One of my favorite moments in TV history.