Never Forget

"I'll never forget where I was on September 11th. Or when I saw 'Two Girls, One Cup.'" - Me, to my friend Geoff 

Fire and Ice

A few nights ago, Chicago experienced one of the worst fires in seven years. With sub-zero temperatures, the water from the fire-fighters hoses were quick to crystalize... and create an amazing ice fortress. This is giving Superman's Fortress of Solitude a run for its money!

         

  

Robot Vs. Dinosaur's Chili Cook Off

Last night, my sketch group had our annual holiday party. My favorite party is always "Santa's Shitty Scene Swap" where you bring the worst sketch you've written in the past year (or ever) and it's read aloud, you're teased relentlessly, and then the scene is given to another person to rewrite. The person who wrote the most atrocious piece of "art", as voted on by guests at the party, wins a wolf bobble head trophy. (Note: no one has ever rewritten the scene they were given.) 

This year, we started a new tradition: a chili cook off. Winning is important to me, so I put in extra effort and it paid off. I got 7/12 votes and gave a long victory speech where I gloated and did mic dropping bits. It was the happiest I've been all week and wet my appetite for more culinary domination.

I used a recipe I found online but then made so many additions, I felt I had created my own recipe. Here it is. Go forth and win a chili cook off!

Uncle Trevor's Pulled Pork Blue-Ribbon Winning Yum Yum Fun Time Chili 

Ingredients:

1lb. pork loin
1 can kidney beans
1 can baked beans
1 can black beans
1 cup corn
1/2 cup (one small can) tomato paste
1 sweet onion, minced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 whole tomatoes, crushed
1 cup strongly brewed coffee <----- secret ingredient!
1/4 cup cream
1 cup medium salsa
1/2 cup water
1 cup grated cheese
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon siracha
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon oregano
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon chili powder

Directions:

Put everything in your crock pot. Stir it. And let it cook (LOW for 7 hours, or HIGH for 3-4 hours). Once the pork is cooked, shred it using two forks. Serves 6. 

DOGpelgänger

Does this dog look like me? 

I think so. 

Lady Bump!

Just about once a month, my roommate Christine and I have an impromptu late-night dance party to the song "Lady Bump", a 70's disco classic that's all chorus and no verse. I have no idea what this song is about or why it's so good to groove to when you're high, but listening to it while dancing beside a Christmas tree is always the highlight of my week.

Secret Reader - The Double Dare

My friend Becca is a special needs teacher at an elementary school in Chicago and a few months ago, she started a program called "Secret Reader" where one of her friends comes to read a book aloud to her students and share a special snack. After I had seen numerous pictures of friends reading to the kids, I couldn't wait anymore. I emailed Becca and asked if I could do it. I was on the schedule in no time.

I brought one of my childhood favorites: The Berenstain Bears and Double Dare. 

In this story, Sister Bear gets her jump rope stolen by the bully, Too-Tall Grizzly. Brother takes it upon himself to win the jump rope back, but in the process impresses Too-Tall and his gang with his "moxie". The gang then pressures Brother to join them on their next heist: stealing watermelons from Farmer Ben's watermelon patch. Brother is caught by Ben, but instead of being angry, he teaches Brother that you always need to think for yourself, especially in matters of what's right and what's wrong. Then they eat watermelon. 

The kids really liked the story. Once we had finished, Becca (or Ms. Taubel, as they all know her) asked the kids what their favorite part was. Instead of getting too specific, most of them agreed that the best part was "the whole thing." I'm happy that this book, written in 1988, is still relevant and interesting to kids today.

But the best part wasn't the story. It was all the fun interactions in between, from the moment Abu opened the door for me and threw a Hershey kiss in the air while he told me his name, to one of the boys pressing a misshapen piece of origami into my hands as a thank-you gift. 

Here are a few other highlights: 

Before I read the book, we did an interview. I can only imagine this is what the President feels like at a press conference. It consisted of a lot of "appropriate questions" such as:

* What's your favorite animal? Cheetah.

* What's your favorite car? Duh, a convertible.

* What's your favorite baseball and football team? I pretended to like sports so as to not crush any spirits and said the New England Patriots and the Red Sox. 

* What's your favorite animal...in the sea? A shark. Not because I like sharks, but because I respect them. Follow up: What kind of shark is your favorite? Great White, because they attack from below. The questioner's favorite: a zebra shark because of its stripes. 

One boy was fascinated by my blonde hair. He wanted to know if I was naturally blonde, when I got it cut last, and what my favorite hairstyle is. A snippet of the conversation:

Malik: So, is that hair your natural color? Or do you dye it?

Susie: It's real. Look at my arm hair! It's blonde, too. You can't fake arm hair. 

Malik: You could dye your arm hair. 

Susie: No one's gonna do that. It's too much work. Then I'd have to dye my leg hair, too.

Malik: You wouldn't have to. You could just wear pants. 

The other great part was when Ms. Taubel asked the kids how they thought we knew each other and they all chorused "COMEDY!" So did they have any good jokes to tell me? Most of the kids told knock-knock jokes, including the one that ends "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" But the winner goes to:

A: Knock knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Nothing.

B: Nothing who?

A: (silence!)

I raised my hand. "Ms. Taubel, can I tell a joke, too? What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?" Malachai's hand shoots in the air and he yells "Nacho cheese!"

Damn. These kids are good. But I had one more up my sleeve. "Which side of the duck has the most feathers?" The kids start mumbling tentative answers and the boy next to me leans in and asks seriously, "Uhhh..the butt?" 

Wrong. "The OUTside!" Susie: 1. Children: 0. 

There was also some free time that was a tornado of craziness where we played with puppets, braided hair, drew pictures of each other, and ate watermelon just like they did in the story. It was so fun to play and be weird and watch kids do kids stuff like knocking over a box of alphabet magnets and picking them up in puppet's mouth and battling spinning tops in the corner. I was so happy to experience all of it. 

Robot vs Dinosaur at Sketchfest 2013

Our show poster from earlier this year.

My sketch group, Robot vs Dinosaur, is making its 7th appearance in Sketchfest. We will be remounting our summer show, Wait Wait... Don't Kill Me! in the Thrust Theater on Saturday the 5th at 7 p.m. Of course, it all goes down at Stage 773.

The show was inspired by classic horror movies and it steers clear of the tropes of Halloween-themed sketch shows. The scenes take a broader look at what's scary: a train that steals babies and turns them into adults, a first date at a couple's cooking class for witches, and a stalker who finally traps the heart of his true love.

My favorite part is the host, played by my friend Nat. We loved the campiness of the host from the Tales from the Crypt TV series so he spends most of his time making puns and laughing maniacally. It's so stupid, and that's is a legit compliment.

The show marked my directing debut and I'm really proud of the way things turned out. More importantly, the entire cast became good friends over the course of the production, so it's wonderful to have a chance to do this show again and resurrect our old bits. 

Read about my initial reactions to the show in this old post.