Hummus to Make You Cummus

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"

Are you the type of man/woman/child who is still buying hummus from the store? Can you not get enough of that dry, chunky, flavorless hummus that was made months ago in a hummus factory in Des Moines? Do you like collecting the container after you let it rot in your fridge because you only ate three bites because it was dry, chunky, and flavorless?

If you're like me you are not this type of man/woman/child! You demand better! 

But you say, "Of course I want to make my own hummus. We all do. But everyone else has more time and intelligence. Really. Me? I'm not the type of man/woman/child to make my own food. Perhaps I have confused myself with a more successful friend who has a kitchen and free time to visit museums and hand-write letters. Not me, not now."

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE LONG PARAGRAPHS OF EXCUSES!!! You are capable. All you need is 15 minutes, a food processor, 1-2 hands, and a brain.**

Try out my recipe that everyone's talking about everywhere! And if you happen to see this exact recipe in the Jane Brody Cookbook, you should know that Jane Brody is a hack and thief. Do not trust her!!! 


SUSIE'S HUMMUS TO MAKE YOU CUMMUS

INGREDIENTS:
(1) 28 oz. can chickpeas
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup tahini
(3) large cloves garlic
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp paprika
Dash of cayenne pepper (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:
Drain the chickpeas - save the chickpea juice for later. 

Throw the chickpeas, garlic, lemon juice, and tahini in the food processor. Blend it.

To get the smooth, creamy texture you want, slowly add in some of the chickpea juice. Blend it. 

Fold in the spices. Serve with pitas, cucumber slices, or carrots. 

PRO TIP:
If your final product tastes "a little too chickpea", consider adding more lemon juice. I found 1/3 a cup wasn't quite enough so I added a little more and then it was an A+. 

MOM TIP:
My mom says you can also add green onions - she's PFS (pretty fucking smart) so get into it. Or use it as garnish. 

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"

The Soundtrack of Our Lives – Pt. 3

This post is the final installment of “The Soundtrack of Our Lives” project. For more info, read the original post here. 

  

(A musical gift that Mike wants Susie –and everyone– to love)

Mike’s thoughts on this hot piece: “This song is so unbelievably good. Sure, some of the production sounds a little dated, but if you listen to it a few times through you'll love it. Great back up vocals and Bonnie Raitt has a killer voice.”

Movie Title: "Hopeless Feelings"

Screenwriter: M. Malarkey

Genre: Independent Woman Reconnecting with Herself (1990s)

Some context: When Hope's best friend from college Kyla, a whacky free spirited poet, is diagnosed with cancer, Hope realizes she's lost touch with what’s important in her life. Hope sees how delicate life is and that she's been too wrapped up in work for the last decade. She quits her job and takes Kyla on the cross-country road trip she always wanted to go on. Unfortunately, Kyla succumbs to cancer.

Montage: Hope scatters Kyla's ashes in the Pacific Ocean and drives back to New York by herself, feeling independent and close to herself once again.  She looks in the rear view mirror, flips on Kyla's whacky shades, laughs at herself, and drives off. 

Ending Line: "Who cares, we're free!" (A line that Kyla says throughout the movie)

(A musical gift that Susie wants Mike –and everyone– to love)

Susie’s thoughts on this hot piece: “I love the song's non-traditional hook: she mermaids the beat ('hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!') instead of using words. And when I listen to it while walking/day-dreaming around the city, I am reminded of the potential each day brings. AND she sounds like Dolly Parton - especially at the very end."

Movie Title: I Claim This Land for Elise Erickson

Screenwriter: S. Gutowski

Genre: Teen Coming of Age

Some context: Elise, a gangly teen, has just arrived at college. She exchanges tearful goodbyes with her parents and heads back upstairs to meet her new roommate, a spunky and confident girl named Jules. The two hit the dining hall and walk around campus. After a few laughs, Elise confesses that she’s never really had a boyfriend. She’s never even kissed anyone. Jules tells her she needs to loosen up. They plan to go to a party that night.

Montage: Jules lends Elise a cool dress and does her hair and make up. Following Jules’ lead, Elise knocks back a few vodka shots. When she knocks back her third nasty shot, the camera shakes, and we cut to: the girls entering a party. Elise and Jules are making tons of friends and Elise is smiling and charming the boys. She makes one guy laugh and they exchange numbers. Jules pulls her to the dance floor; Elise resists. Jules whisper-shouts in her ear that this is her chance to start over and be the person she wants to be. The girls party so hard: hair flying in slow-motion, head-back smiles, and the freedom to DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING. 

Ending line: “I'm never going to stop!”