Where Have I Been?

I apologize for not posting in a few months. I've been in the middle of an existential crisis and didn't bring a pen when I gazed into the blackness of the universe.

After having torn down the old self, feasting on its remains for a few days, I barfed up a new me and have been feeling better each day. And this new self has revealed itself to be far more productive. You can expect more posts in the future. 

What metaphorical identity did you pig out on recently? Press "like" if you ate your own soul this month!!!!!

LOL all things die! Did I imagine that dead kitten I found in my backyard? Thank God I still love to watch old episodes of The Office while folding my laundry!

So Deep Your Ankles Might Get Wet

This is John Mayer's new album cover. I think it's a beautiful image.

But then I remember who John Mayer is. 

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation... so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type... I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'" - John Mayer

"Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? ...I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it." - John Mayer

"Sometimes I get so bold and I'm so confident about what I'm doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it's a really liberating feeling to experience what it's like to not care." - John Mayer

There are Buddhist teachings that remind you that you are not the things of your past ("What you are now is what you have been, what you will be is what you do now."). Simply put: your past experiences inform the person you are today, but you still have a choice to be new and different - the person of tomorrow. Perhaps Johnny has moved past this retarded phase in his life. 

But this runs directly counter to what, cloud-Mufasa says when he told Simba "Remember who you are... remember who you are...remember...remember...remember..."

I don't want to pigeon hole our Johnny, but I have to agree with cloud-Mufasa on this one. Remember...Remember...Remember...

Six Little Ducks

I just got back from a long weekend visiting my sister and my brother-in-law... and of course, our baby Leo! He's 7 months old now and just the cutest little guy. He's a very good baby: he only cries for good reasons and smiles a lot. The girls at his day care have also reported that he's a big flirt; he's always making eyes at them, smiling slyly, and listening intently to everything they say. 

My sister found that when he gets upset, she can always bring a smile back to his face by singing "Six Little Ducks" by Raffi. Here's a video of him enjoying the song during dinner. 

Singers: Carrie and mom
Laughter: Dad
Video: Me

Hook, Line, and Stinker!

Ted, the head of our maintenance department, went fishing this weekend and brought some of his trophies into work to share. The chef at Harvest, our gourmet rooftop restaurant, stuffed these enormous rainbow and lake trout with lemon and herbs and they were unreal delicious. But nothing is quite as tasty as a one-liner from the gruffest man on the planet. 


(Lights up.)

Me: Ted, those fish you caught were pretty impressive!
Ted (gruffly): Yeah, well, everything I do is pretty impressive.

He walks out of the room.

(Lights down.)


AND THAT'S HOW YOU DROP A MIC WITH JUST YOUR PERSONALITY!

3 Subtle Wins

When I woke up this morning, I did not think today would be an important or special one. But it ended up being one of the best days in a while, thanks to some subtlety beautiful moments that came out of humans impacting the lives of other humans.  

One of my best friends, Eric Eyerman, is leaving Chicago for grad school in Boulder, and today was his last day as Camp Director at Lakeshore. One of the counselors, who had been shooting footage all summer to make an advertisement for the camp, surprised Eric and the other camp staff with a goodbye video that featured clips from the past few months: kids reading alongside adults, dancing at the beach, playing sports, and lots of shots of Eric smiling. And it was set to acoustic guitar so it was extra touching. It was so wonderful to see people being good to other people; that video was just to say "We want to honor you and give you something to remember us." Beautiful. 

It's been almost a year since I began mentoring Tiara, a high school student from Chicago Tech Academy. She's recently earned one of the much sought-after spots at Genesys Works, a program that connects inner-city youth with internship opportunities at some of Chicago's biggest companies. She's been honing her IT skills all summer and is now interviewing for her internship placement. She didn't have a suit coat for the meeting and asked if she could borrow one from me. I have one that's a little too small for me so I brought it into work for her to borrow. Of course, I made her try on the suit coat BECAUSE I'M A MOM. She looked so professional in it. I felt so proud of the little grown up in front of me that's working so hard to create a great life for herself. 

I've been teaching an improv class for kids on the Asbergers-Autism spectrum for about 2 years. This session's class we tried something new: on the final day, the parents were invited to join us for a show and the chance to join in on some of the games. It was so much fun and the kids were great. This was especially good because... I didn't know what to expect. Even having ONE new person can sometimes send the group into a tailspin of excitement and/or apprehension. In this case, we had 7 unfamiliar faces! There was a part of me that was worried they'd all freak, refuse to participate, and the parents would be like, "I've been paying money for my kid to do this???" 

One mom got misty-eyed on the way out. Seeing her son in the group made her realize how much progress he's made this summer. And another parent said how comforting it was to see that his child wasn't "the kid misbehaving in class". In our group,  they're all in the same boat. No one's "the weird kid". And the best part was that the parents got to be silly alongside their kids, something I get the impression they don't get to do too often. 

And because the kids tend to rush out so quickly after class, I never really know if I'm making a difference. I know they get to have fun and logically, I know that makes a difference. But it wasn't until today when I got to see the parents reactions that made it feel really rewarding. 

Sometimes I worry that I'm spinning my wheels and not fulfilling my purpose in life. But this totally normal, average day that wasn't supposed to be special was a great affirmation that I'm living life to the fullest. I get to help others and in turn, be helped by them. All is well. 

Home Sweet Minniahaha Home

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of taking my first camping trip in a few years. Some gals who share a birthday wrangled a whole bunch of friends to celebrate their births at a campground in Wisconsin called "Sweet Minnihaha." It wasn't exactly what I expected. In my mind's eye, I imagined  trees and hills and the need to hang our food from a tree at night. Instead, it was more of an open field where rednecks come to BBQ over a metal drum and listen to exactly what you think they listen to.

It definitely wasn't "roughing it", but it was a ton of fun and great to be outside with hardly any agenda at all. You eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired, and wear whatever grungy clothes you feel like. (I wore short shorts and hiking boots like an outdoorsy Lara Croft.) And it was so nice to be disconnected from technology. From Friday night until Sunday morning, we were cell phone free. No one snapping a million photos, making Vines, texting people who aren't there, and using Facebook to see what everyone else is up to. It was a great exercise in living in the moment.

There were many highlights to the weekend, but here's a few:

• I was peeing in one of the bathroom stalls when a woman in the stall next to me whispered, "Sandy! Come here, girl!"and I saw a dog's feet enter the stall beside me. I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if the dog came in my stall?" Then it did!
• At the center of camp there's a bar that's teeming with happy hillbilliess on Saturday night. There was all different types of white rednecks with various forms of barbed-wire tattoos. And like an improv party in Chicago, it was 70% male, 30% female. We all did the Cupid Shuffle together.
• Everyone's there because of the karaoke. The coked-up KJ was his own spirit animal, only wearing a pair of blue jeans and a cowboy hat. It was like Kenny Chesney was cast in Magic Mike. I couldn't take my eyes off him. But eventually, a guy with glow-sticks jammed into his shorts and high-tops stumbled into and knocked over the KJ-table and we all knew it was over.
• Friends Jen and Bobby used their flashlights (we were camping ya'll!) to create a cool dance party in the corner of the barn-bar. It was just supposed to be a goofy bit where I flash-danced but when it ended, we realized it had caught the attention of a large group of men wearing cut-off tees. I felt like a picnic basket in Jellystone. On the way out, we had to pass through their circle. As we got close and I mentally prepared to deflect drunken come-ons, I felt Bobby take my hand and pretended to be my boyfriend. I was grateful.
• At night, we read "Scary Stories to Chill Your Bones" around the campfire. I told my favorite one ("Harold") where two brothers make a scarecrow doll that comes to life and skins one of the men alive. The writing is intended for kids so it's cheesy and over-the-top -and everyone always uses first and last names for some reason- and we had some good laughs at that. We were legitimately creeped out by the drawings.

Are your bones colder from having been chilled?

• I danced in a field under the stars with sparklers in hand.
• The stars out there are absolutely amazing. I fell asleep with my glasses on because I wanted to keep looking at them through the top of my tent.
• We tubed along the Sugar River, a VERY-slow moving river filled with drunks. Our 20-person group lashed ourselves together and floated as one giant amoeba downriver. The water was cool but not cold and the sun was warm but not hot. Goldilocks would have been in heaven. The course of the river would change and even though we were all tied to a specific person or two, we kept finding ourselves next to new companions - at the river's discretion of course. <---- big life metaphor.
• I had to pee really badly while on the river but I can't go in water for some reason. I don't know why - I'm not against it and if you give me the chance to pee in the shower you better believe I'll do it. So instead, I peed behind a fallen tree, all the while hoping no one would walk down the path. It was the longest stream of my life and made me feel like a cave woman. 

Pee Es. I'm happy I mentioned urinating twice in this post because when I was in the 3rd grade, we had to write some fan fiction for the book "The Phantom Tollbooth." I got in trouble with my teacher for writing a scene that included the boy peeing. But I wasn't trying to be "smart", I thought I was finally addressing the question we all had. You're telling me he's wandering in the woods and NOT peeing? You're wrong Ms. Green, it IS essential to the story. But now I'm an adult and I can write about urination all I want and no one can tell my mother about this!

Hummus to Make You Cummus

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"

Are you the type of man/woman/child who is still buying hummus from the store? Can you not get enough of that dry, chunky, flavorless hummus that was made months ago in a hummus factory in Des Moines? Do you like collecting the container after you let it rot in your fridge because you only ate three bites because it was dry, chunky, and flavorless?

If you're like me you are not this type of man/woman/child! You demand better! 

But you say, "Of course I want to make my own hummus. We all do. But everyone else has more time and intelligence. Really. Me? I'm not the type of man/woman/child to make my own food. Perhaps I have confused myself with a more successful friend who has a kitchen and free time to visit museums and hand-write letters. Not me, not now."

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE LONG PARAGRAPHS OF EXCUSES!!! You are capable. All you need is 15 minutes, a food processor, 1-2 hands, and a brain.**

Try out my recipe that everyone's talking about everywhere! And if you happen to see this exact recipe in the Jane Brody Cookbook, you should know that Jane Brody is a hack and thief. Do not trust her!!! 


SUSIE'S HUMMUS TO MAKE YOU CUMMUS

INGREDIENTS:
(1) 28 oz. can chickpeas
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup tahini
(3) large cloves garlic
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp paprika
Dash of cayenne pepper (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:
Drain the chickpeas - save the chickpea juice for later. 

Throw the chickpeas, garlic, lemon juice, and tahini in the food processor. Blend it.

To get the smooth, creamy texture you want, slowly add in some of the chickpea juice. Blend it. 

Fold in the spices. Serve with pitas, cucumber slices, or carrots. 

PRO TIP:
If your final product tastes "a little too chickpea", consider adding more lemon juice. I found 1/3 a cup wasn't quite enough so I added a little more and then it was an A+. 

MOM TIP:
My mom says you can also add green onions - she's PFS (pretty fucking smart) so get into it. Or use it as garnish. 

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"