Frozen Walk

Walking in the falling snow is one of my favorite things to do so when I woke up on Saturday morning and saw the snow coming down, I immediately grabbed my warmest winter gear and headed out to Belmont Harbor.

The snow underfoot was thick and perfectly white and unlike other times I've been out for winter walks, the lake wasn't a blanket of snow. It was criss-crossed with jagged paths, shards of ice grinding into each other at the tide's will. It looked like it was breathing, a regular ebb and flow as if I'd come upon it while it was asleep. Sometimes it hissed, sometimes it tinkled, and sometimes it squeaked and groaned. It had so many different voices. 

It felt like another world, nothing like the urban sprawl I think of when I think of Chicago. Whatever it was, it was great to find myself transported. I felt like an adventurer. Like Ernest Shackleton or another one of the Antarctic explorers. 

It was so gorgeous, I spent nearly two hours out there. There was so much to see and understand. If you listen, there are lessons in all of it. From the churning lake, I learned how all the parts are connected, how the particles fit together to create a whole. Just like the ice, there are things between us (on a subatomic level) that grind up against each other. Sometimes we feel separated from other things, contained in our own bodies. But we're not. We are all influenced by each other's movements through the world and faraway things can be touched. I found a lot of comfort in that. I felt one with everything instead of alone. Despite the cold sapping my body's reserves, I walked away energized.  

I took a handful of photos out there. I hope you enjoy them and they inspire you to put on your boots to witness the mysterious and powerful side of our beautiful city. 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

For a few weeks, I have considered dying my hair darker. On Friday night, in the company of a good friend, a beer, and a bowl of brunette hair dye, I finally did it.

I was overwhelmed saying goodbye to one of the few constants in my life. I was a toe-head from the day I arrived. From the beginning. And the hugeness of separating from that to be something new and different was terrifying. I shed a few tears, but assured Mary Beth I didn't want to stop. She didn't put the brush down. And here I am.

I feel new.  

One of the main reasons I put it off so long was because I was worried people would think I was having a Brittany moment and in my insane haze had colored my hair in the same way she'd shaved her head and attacked a car with an umbrella.

And if I can be frank, the truth isn't far from that. But instead of it being a symptom of a downwards spiral, it was actually the opposite: controlling and righting a tailspin. If you've been following my real life for the past few months, you might recall my September of Sorrow where I stripped a whole bunch of shit away and collapsed in on myself like a dying star. Since then, I've enjoyed the rebuilding process. It's been chaos and discovery and acceptance and joy. For the first time in my life, I feel integrated within myself.

And as I discovered more of myself, I found that my blonde hair just didn't fit anymore.

I think a lot of people see me as a sunny and upbeat person. I am on some days, sure. I love to play and have fun and laugh. But those feel like responses to actions, not my own natural state. Not how I experience myself. And if you don't see that, then I regret to inform you that you've been a victim of a lie I have lived well. The script calls for an unflappably positive person who doesn't need help and can't be knocked down. A person who has some key catchphrases including "Everything's good" and "I'm fine". The more agitated I am internally, the more likely I am to be smiling on the outside. It's really fucking annoying.

And that's what my blonde hair had become to me. It was part of this role I was playing. It was the "happy" disguise. There's just something about a blonde that doesn't say "I'm serious." To me it seems happy-go-lucky and lighthearted. Maybe it's a stereotype, but I bought into it. And that's not me. I feel so much more at home with dark hair. Like I LOVE it.

It may be a superficial thing to change, but that understates what's really going on. It IS important. It's the skin I have to live in all the time and I wholeheartedly believe that the outside should match the inside. I did this so you will understand me more and we can start talking.

And because it was much cheaper than getting this tattoo:

Where Have I Been?

I apologize for not posting in a few months. I've been in the middle of an existential crisis and didn't bring a pen when I gazed into the blackness of the universe.

After having torn down the old self, feasting on its remains for a few days, I barfed up a new me and have been feeling better each day. And this new self has revealed itself to be far more productive. You can expect more posts in the future. 

What metaphorical identity did you pig out on recently? Press "like" if you ate your own soul this month!!!!!

LOL all things die! Did I imagine that dead kitten I found in my backyard? Thank God I still love to watch old episodes of The Office while folding my laundry!

So Deep Your Ankles Might Get Wet

This is John Mayer's new album cover. I think it's a beautiful image.

But then I remember who John Mayer is. 

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation... so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type... I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'" - John Mayer

"Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? ...I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it." - John Mayer

"Sometimes I get so bold and I'm so confident about what I'm doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it's a really liberating feeling to experience what it's like to not care." - John Mayer

There are Buddhist teachings that remind you that you are not the things of your past ("What you are now is what you have been, what you will be is what you do now."). Simply put: your past experiences inform the person you are today, but you still have a choice to be new and different - the person of tomorrow. Perhaps Johnny has moved past this retarded phase in his life. 

But this runs directly counter to what, cloud-Mufasa says when he told Simba "Remember who you are... remember who you are...remember...remember...remember..."

I don't want to pigeon hole our Johnny, but I have to agree with cloud-Mufasa on this one. Remember...Remember...Remember...

Six Little Ducks

I just got back from a long weekend visiting my sister and my brother-in-law... and of course, our baby Leo! He's 7 months old now and just the cutest little guy. He's a very good baby: he only cries for good reasons and smiles a lot. The girls at his day care have also reported that he's a big flirt; he's always making eyes at them, smiling slyly, and listening intently to everything they say. 

My sister found that when he gets upset, she can always bring a smile back to his face by singing "Six Little Ducks" by Raffi. Here's a video of him enjoying the song during dinner. 

Singers: Carrie and mom
Laughter: Dad
Video: Me

Hook, Line, and Stinker!

Ted, the head of our maintenance department, went fishing this weekend and brought some of his trophies into work to share. The chef at Harvest, our gourmet rooftop restaurant, stuffed these enormous rainbow and lake trout with lemon and herbs and they were unreal delicious. But nothing is quite as tasty as a one-liner from the gruffest man on the planet. 


(Lights up.)

Me: Ted, those fish you caught were pretty impressive!
Ted (gruffly): Yeah, well, everything I do is pretty impressive.

He walks out of the room.

(Lights down.)


AND THAT'S HOW YOU DROP A MIC WITH JUST YOUR PERSONALITY!

3 Subtle Wins

When I woke up this morning, I did not think today would be an important or special one. But it ended up being one of the best days in a while, thanks to some subtlety beautiful moments that came out of humans impacting the lives of other humans.  

One of my best friends, Eric Eyerman, is leaving Chicago for grad school in Boulder, and today was his last day as Camp Director at Lakeshore. One of the counselors, who had been shooting footage all summer to make an advertisement for the camp, surprised Eric and the other camp staff with a goodbye video that featured clips from the past few months: kids reading alongside adults, dancing at the beach, playing sports, and lots of shots of Eric smiling. And it was set to acoustic guitar so it was extra touching. It was so wonderful to see people being good to other people; that video was just to say "We want to honor you and give you something to remember us." Beautiful. 

It's been almost a year since I began mentoring Tiara, a high school student from Chicago Tech Academy. She's recently earned one of the much sought-after spots at Genesys Works, a program that connects inner-city youth with internship opportunities at some of Chicago's biggest companies. She's been honing her IT skills all summer and is now interviewing for her internship placement. She didn't have a suit coat for the meeting and asked if she could borrow one from me. I have one that's a little too small for me so I brought it into work for her to borrow. Of course, I made her try on the suit coat BECAUSE I'M A MOM. She looked so professional in it. I felt so proud of the little grown up in front of me that's working so hard to create a great life for herself. 

I've been teaching an improv class for kids on the Asbergers-Autism spectrum for about 2 years. This session's class we tried something new: on the final day, the parents were invited to join us for a show and the chance to join in on some of the games. It was so much fun and the kids were great. This was especially good because... I didn't know what to expect. Even having ONE new person can sometimes send the group into a tailspin of excitement and/or apprehension. In this case, we had 7 unfamiliar faces! There was a part of me that was worried they'd all freak, refuse to participate, and the parents would be like, "I've been paying money for my kid to do this???" 

One mom got misty-eyed on the way out. Seeing her son in the group made her realize how much progress he's made this summer. And another parent said how comforting it was to see that his child wasn't "the kid misbehaving in class". In our group,  they're all in the same boat. No one's "the weird kid". And the best part was that the parents got to be silly alongside their kids, something I get the impression they don't get to do too often. 

And because the kids tend to rush out so quickly after class, I never really know if I'm making a difference. I know they get to have fun and logically, I know that makes a difference. But it wasn't until today when I got to see the parents reactions that made it feel really rewarding. 

Sometimes I worry that I'm spinning my wheels and not fulfilling my purpose in life. But this totally normal, average day that wasn't supposed to be special was a great affirmation that I'm living life to the fullest. I get to help others and in turn, be helped by them. All is well. 

Home Sweet Minniahaha Home

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of taking my first camping trip in a few years. Some gals who share a birthday wrangled a whole bunch of friends to celebrate their births at a campground in Wisconsin called "Sweet Minnihaha." It wasn't exactly what I expected. In my mind's eye, I imagined  trees and hills and the need to hang our food from a tree at night. Instead, it was more of an open field where rednecks come to BBQ over a metal drum and listen to exactly what you think they listen to.

It definitely wasn't "roughing it", but it was a ton of fun and great to be outside with hardly any agenda at all. You eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired, and wear whatever grungy clothes you feel like. (I wore short shorts and hiking boots like an outdoorsy Lara Croft.) And it was so nice to be disconnected from technology. From Friday night until Sunday morning, we were cell phone free. No one snapping a million photos, making Vines, texting people who aren't there, and using Facebook to see what everyone else is up to. It was a great exercise in living in the moment.

There were many highlights to the weekend, but here's a few:

• I was peeing in one of the bathroom stalls when a woman in the stall next to me whispered, "Sandy! Come here, girl!"and I saw a dog's feet enter the stall beside me. I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if the dog came in my stall?" Then it did!
• At the center of camp there's a bar that's teeming with happy hillbilliess on Saturday night. There was all different types of white rednecks with various forms of barbed-wire tattoos. And like an improv party in Chicago, it was 70% male, 30% female. We all did the Cupid Shuffle together.
• Everyone's there because of the karaoke. The coked-up KJ was his own spirit animal, only wearing a pair of blue jeans and a cowboy hat. It was like Kenny Chesney was cast in Magic Mike. I couldn't take my eyes off him. But eventually, a guy with glow-sticks jammed into his shorts and high-tops stumbled into and knocked over the KJ-table and we all knew it was over.
• Friends Jen and Bobby used their flashlights (we were camping ya'll!) to create a cool dance party in the corner of the barn-bar. It was just supposed to be a goofy bit where I flash-danced but when it ended, we realized it had caught the attention of a large group of men wearing cut-off tees. I felt like a picnic basket in Jellystone. On the way out, we had to pass through their circle. As we got close and I mentally prepared to deflect drunken come-ons, I felt Bobby take my hand and pretended to be my boyfriend. I was grateful.
• At night, we read "Scary Stories to Chill Your Bones" around the campfire. I told my favorite one ("Harold") where two brothers make a scarecrow doll that comes to life and skins one of the men alive. The writing is intended for kids so it's cheesy and over-the-top -and everyone always uses first and last names for some reason- and we had some good laughs at that. We were legitimately creeped out by the drawings.

Are your bones colder from having been chilled?

• I danced in a field under the stars with sparklers in hand.
• The stars out there are absolutely amazing. I fell asleep with my glasses on because I wanted to keep looking at them through the top of my tent.
• We tubed along the Sugar River, a VERY-slow moving river filled with drunks. Our 20-person group lashed ourselves together and floated as one giant amoeba downriver. The water was cool but not cold and the sun was warm but not hot. Goldilocks would have been in heaven. The course of the river would change and even though we were all tied to a specific person or two, we kept finding ourselves next to new companions - at the river's discretion of course. <---- big life metaphor.
• I had to pee really badly while on the river but I can't go in water for some reason. I don't know why - I'm not against it and if you give me the chance to pee in the shower you better believe I'll do it. So instead, I peed behind a fallen tree, all the while hoping no one would walk down the path. It was the longest stream of my life and made me feel like a cave woman. 

Pee Es. I'm happy I mentioned urinating twice in this post because when I was in the 3rd grade, we had to write some fan fiction for the book "The Phantom Tollbooth." I got in trouble with my teacher for writing a scene that included the boy peeing. But I wasn't trying to be "smart", I thought I was finally addressing the question we all had. You're telling me he's wandering in the woods and NOT peeing? You're wrong Ms. Green, it IS essential to the story. But now I'm an adult and I can write about urination all I want and no one can tell my mother about this!

Hummus to Make You Cummus

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"

Are you the type of man/woman/child who is still buying hummus from the store? Can you not get enough of that dry, chunky, flavorless hummus that was made months ago in a hummus factory in Des Moines? Do you like collecting the container after you let it rot in your fridge because you only ate three bites because it was dry, chunky, and flavorless?

If you're like me you are not this type of man/woman/child! You demand better! 

But you say, "Of course I want to make my own hummus. We all do. But everyone else has more time and intelligence. Really. Me? I'm not the type of man/woman/child to make my own food. Perhaps I have confused myself with a more successful friend who has a kitchen and free time to visit museums and hand-write letters. Not me, not now."

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE LONG PARAGRAPHS OF EXCUSES!!! You are capable. All you need is 15 minutes, a food processor, 1-2 hands, and a brain.**

Try out my recipe that everyone's talking about everywhere! And if you happen to see this exact recipe in the Jane Brody Cookbook, you should know that Jane Brody is a hack and thief. Do not trust her!!! 


SUSIE'S HUMMUS TO MAKE YOU CUMMUS

INGREDIENTS:
(1) 28 oz. can chickpeas
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup tahini
(3) large cloves garlic
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp paprika
Dash of cayenne pepper (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:
Drain the chickpeas - save the chickpea juice for later. 

Throw the chickpeas, garlic, lemon juice, and tahini in the food processor. Blend it.

To get the smooth, creamy texture you want, slowly add in some of the chickpea juice. Blend it. 

Fold in the spices. Serve with pitas, cucumber slices, or carrots. 

PRO TIP:
If your final product tastes "a little too chickpea", consider adding more lemon juice. I found 1/3 a cup wasn't quite enough so I added a little more and then it was an A+. 

MOM TIP:
My mom says you can also add green onions - she's PFS (pretty fucking smart) so get into it. Or use it as garnish. 

Google image search: "Hummus + glamour shots"

Where Da Party At

A few years ago, when I was going through classes at iO, I wanted to be on a team so badly. To the extent that I even started dressing more nicely and wearing makeup more often because I was RAISING MY GAME UP. Of course, that stuff doesn't necessarily work - funny people make teams regardless of how they look, but I think slobs have a lot more work earning the audience's respect. (Speaking of respect, how about that picture, amiright?!?)

Today, here I am on the iO website as the official show poster for a new show called Where Da Party At? Just seeing this picture on the iO website makes me happy. Mostly because this picture makes me happy. I am my own spirit animal. 

The show opens in a few weeks. It's got a simple premise: each week, a different member of the team will bring a party photo to the show and the audience gets to decide who tells a monologue based off the photo. It could be a picture from a birthday, a Christening, or a fake-bachelorette party like the one above. I like the show concept because it's simple. A photo, a monologue, and some improv. No crazy gimmicks or costumes. We're just here for the party. 

As Good As It Gets

Between me and Chris's Netflix viewing habits, the program has decided we like movies where "opposites attract". And by that they mean movies starring Jack Nicholson and human females. 

So last week I watched "As Good As It Gets" which you are forgetting is AMAZING. It's legit. It won 2 Oscars (Best Actor for Jack Nicholson, Best Actress for Helen Hunt) and was nominated in 5 other categories. So keep your precious judgements to yourself! 

I've been thinking a lot about love recently and one quote from Jack Nicholson's character, Melvin Udall, made my heart melt.

"I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me."

I don't want kids or marriage (at this point). I'm not focused on an end-result. But one thing I'm absolutely positive of is that I want to be special to someone. I want one person who sees me as this gem, even if everyone else is missing it.

I like myself - I really do. And I believe I have the qualities that would make someone fall head-over-heals in love with me. That's not to say I'm the best person in the world. I haven't worn anything but workout clothes in a week. But I don't want the love of the entire world. I just want it from one person who isn't afraid to go all in and really really love me. And who is ready to be cherished hard in return. 

The stupid thing is, I don't think I really knew that's what I wanted before. Not in the logical, action-oriented part of my brain, anyway. And now that's I'm clued into that, it's easier to start making choices that benefit me and prevent me from saying "ummm... yeah that could work for me!" when it doesn't.

I'm encouraged. I know I get what I want; I'm just not sure of the timeline quite yet. 

Sports Balls Replaced with Cats

I subscribe to about two blogs and one tumblr. I just don't have the time to follow a whole bunch of crap. But you know what I will never un-bookmark? SPORTS BALLS REPLACED WITH CATS. Please enjoy some of my recent favorites. 

Mid-Year's Resolutions

"We need to start buying candy." - my roommate, Chris Tawfik

Sleep Eating

On Friday night, I put in ear plugs before going to bed. 

Three ours later, I ate one in one in my sleep.

The foamy texture and terrible flavor woke me up. "What the fuhhh....?" I mumbled, splitting it into my hand and then placing the soggy plug on the window sill.

Back to sleep.

I remember nothing but what's written above. There are no memories of being hungry or finding a "jellybean" or "Combos" in my sheets. Just waking up with an ear plug in my mouth. 

Riddles

I first read The Hobbit in the 7th grade. I was a piece of shit then (to be fair, everyone is at their worst in the 7th grade), and didn't appreciate this book at the time. Mostly because my English teacher loved it and she wasn't to be trusted because she only wore ankle-length skirts, had hairy arm pits, and was sensitive to smells. She was just so easy to dislike.

I loved the Lord of the Rings movies so when The Hobbit was released earlier this year, I thought I'd try reading the book before seeing the movie. I got side-lined with some other books and am just now making my way through it. It's good, but it's really written for a younger reader and at times is a little too dumb-dumb for me.

However, as soon as I got it in my head that I was too smart for this book, it put me in my place. At little set up is required so please bear with me. 

Bilbo has been asked to join a troupe of dwarves in their quest to reclaim treasures buried deep in the Lonely Mountain. While on the road, they spend a night in a cave that's secretly inhabited by goblins. The group is captured, all except for Bilbo. He escapes, but is accosted by Gollum besides an underground lake. Gollum challenges Bilbo to a riddle-off with the following stakes: if Bilbo wins, Gollum will show him the way out of the labyrinthine cave, but if Gollum wins, he gets to eat the hobbit.

So they exchange nearly 10 riddles back and forth... honestly, it's a lot of riddles. If I were the book's editor, I would have been like, "Alright, Mr. Tolkien. I LOVE the riddle battle but how about they just ask like 3 each? With all due respect, it's a lot of fucking riddles, sir."

The sad part is, I only got 1 of 9 correct. ONE. This is a KIDS book. And I'm an ADULT. 1 of 9.

And to further crush my self-esteem, after each one, either Bilbo or Gollum exclaims something like, "That's obvious!" or "Easy!" or "That old chestnut!" Or Tolkien himself, as narrator, will add a comment such as "I imagine you know the answer, of course, or can guess it as easy as winking..." 

Please tell me these riddles are hard for you adult readers, too. Here they are:

What has roots as nobody sees,
Is taller than trees
Up, up it goes, 
And yet never grows?
(Answer: a mountain.)

Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.
(Answer: teeth.)

Voiceless it cries,
Wingless it flutters,
Toothless bites,
Mouthless mutters.
(Answer: the wind.)

An eye in a blue face
Saw an eye in a green face
"That eye is like to this eye"
Said the first eye, 
"But in a low place
Not in a high place."
(Answer: sun on the daises.)

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills.
It comes first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laugher.
(Answer: dark.)

A box without hinges, key, or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
(Answer: eggs - or 'eggses' if you're Gollum)

Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking.
(Answer: a fish.)

No-legs lay on one-leg, two-legs sat near on three-legs, four-legs got some.
(Answer: fish on a table, man at table sitting on a stool, the cat has the bones.)

This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grind hard stones to meal;
Slays kings, ruins towns,
And beats high mountain down.
(Answer: time.)

Earning Your Wings at Blackstone Bicycle Works

In preparation for Bike to Work Week (June 8-14), I was asked to write a bike-related blog post for Groupon. I chose to profile Blackstone Bicycle Works, where my friend Tyjuan works. T and I met at U of C but we haven't kept in touch much since graduation. It was great to reconnect with him for the interview and hear out about the good he's doing his community. 

Tyjuan Edwards (aka Top 50) , center bottom row, is a youth mentor at Blackstone Bicycle Works. 

The South Side is one of the most dangerous place to live in Chicago--if not the entire country. While the city has succeeded in disbanding some major gangs, there's been a resurgence as of late, structured around neighborhood territories. Instead of joining through some sort of initiation, new members are drafted into gangs simply based on where they live. But at Blackstone Bicycle Works, a full-service bike shop in the Woodlawn neighborhood, the affiliations are checked at the door. Here, an after-school youth program has kids from different neighborhoods working side-by-side to repair bikes-- and if they work hard, they can even earn their own set of wheels.

“Not every kid wants to gangbang. They don’t have options. If we give them better options, they’ll make better choices,” said Tyjuan Edwards (AKA Top 50), one of Blackstone’s youth mentors. “The program helps get kids off the streets and working toward something positive.”

What they’re working toward is a bike of their own. As part of the Earn-A-Bike Program, all kids who spend 25 hours doing volunteer repair work will earn a refurbished bike of their choosing, plus a helmet and lock. By that point, the participant know quite a bit about bike maintenance, but they also learn practical skills along the way, including how to conduct themselves in a busy bike shop. Once kids graduate to the next level, they are eligible to become paid crew members during summer break. The program is free of charge and available to all kids ages 8 through 18.

For the kids, earning the bike is of special importance. Edwards explained, “It’s like earning a set of wings. But instead of it being given to you, you earned it. And you see things differently when you earn them.”

Of course, it's about much more than the actual bicycle. The participants also build confidence as they learn new skills. And the program takes place in a safe environment--one that the neighborhood gangs respect. “It gives the kids a safe haven. And parents are happy knowing their kids are safe and not just hanging around," Edwards said.

In addition to Blackstone's Earn-A-Bike program, the not-for-profit runs an afterschool homework program. In the summer, breakfast and lunch are offered free of charge, a particularly important service as kids miss out on subsidized lunches that are only provided when school is in session. And this--despite all the fun he has working with bikes--is Edward’s favorite part of the job. “I like that I get to feed my whole community," he said.

You can get an inside look at Blackstone's operations and see their kids and staff in action here:

Love from Gandhi

Where there is love, there is life. - Mahatama Gandhi 

Suggestion: Vaginal Rejuvenation

I'm a member of an all-girls improv group called "Where Da Party At." This week we did a show at the Upstairs Gallery as guests of "Making Out with Wes Perry".  Every third Wednesday, Wes, who sings throughout the show wearing blue-glitter lip stick, invites different artists to perform; there were poets, funny staged readings, stand up comedy, and improv. It was a fantastic night – I loved the variety. And it was lovely to see so many gay performers celebrating their identity through their art alongside straight performers. Nothing gives me a boner quite like self-acceptance and inclusive communities. 

At the top of the show, we asked the audience (95% gay male) for a suggestion and quickly accepted the first thing thrown out: "vaginal rejuvenation." Although we didn't avoid the chance to indulge in some twat-centric humor, we also found an important theme: "how do you say goodbye to a part of yourself?" or as we asked one member, "How can you replace the vagina you've been through so much with?"

But mostly it was gross fun. Here's my favorite snippet of the show**:

LESLIE 

I have a question. Well, it's really more of theory. Does your vagina's hairstyle reflect the kind of man you're attracted to? I'll start. (points at vagina) I like a man with a beard. 




ALL

Ooooo, good question!

LESLIE

(to Margaret) And you like bald men! 




LAURA

And I love mohawks!

MALLORY

And I love really long hair!

RACHEL

And I love fat guys!







Gross, right? Improv is fun. 

Beards.

High and tight.

Mohawks.

Long and luscious.

**The names have been changed because we weren't all being ourselves but I don't remember whatever made-up names we assigned to each other.**